How to Free Yourself from your Thoughts

When my ex-girlfriend told me she didn’t love me anymore I assumed she was joking. 

I just couldn’t believe it, it literally came out of nowhere as a sudden gush of cold air. 

All of a sudden this person who had become so important to me, a person who I cared and loved with all my heart, had decided to walk out of my life. 

I felt devastated and was left with a thousand of questions.

As the human mind does what it does, it instinctively wants to get rid of the pain, you do not want to feel unhappy. My mind kept telling me ”The only way for you to feel happy again is to get back together with her”.

So I listened. I tried to convince her, I thought the problem was the spark missing and I thought we could rekindle it again. But she did not feel it. Then I started fearing the realization I was about to lose this person.

All those moments we shared together would remain in the past. And all those future plans we still had? Did they mean nothing now? But her answer remained firm, she didn’t saw a future for us anymore. 

It broke my heart, I never felt so powerless. I just couldn’t believe that there was nothing I could do to salvage the relationship. 

As much as I wanted to give it another chance, she did not. It shattered me and as I broke down in tears in a moment of great unhappiness I came to the realization – The only person you have control over is yourself.

But what if you don’t even have control over yourself?

After our break-up, the book – The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, came to be in my possession. I do not remember if I ordered this book before or after our break-up, but it doesn’t matter now as it came to me in the perfect moment.

By reading this book I came to realize what an impact the mind has on our delay lives, what an impact it has on how we feel. How destructive it can be when used wrong, and how many people use it wrong.

Most people allow themselves to be controlled by their mind, not by choice, but unconsciously.

You have to know that your mind is a tool. It is there to fix problems. It loves problems because that is the purpose of your mind. It will always try to see problems so it can feed on them, to sustain itself, to survive.

It will even create problems when there are none. For example, when you have to get up early and can’t fall asleep because you keep thinking of tomorrow’s assignments and that important meeting at your job.

What good does it do to be thinking and worrying about something that has not even happened yet? You are allowing your mind to prevent you from falling asleep.

I’m sure yo’ve even said out loud to yourself ”ahh! stop thinking!’’  But your mind refuses to stop, not if you keep allowing it to have control over you. The next day you get up with only 3 hours of sleep for the entire night, a whole lot of unnecessary stress and what good did it do? None.

[c5ab_box title=”” type=”alert-warning” ]So let me ask you. Have you ever truly observed your mind? Have you ever watched that voice in your head from a distance, that voice that is always there having conversations with you. Have you?..[/c5ab_box]

When your body has a cut or a wound it immediately starts fixing it, and after time it will be healed. We think that the mind does the same, that after time it will heal that inner wound, but you have to know, it will not. 

The mind works very differently. It can give you a false image that somewhere there in the future, you will be able to get over this pain, over that break-up, over the loss of someone, over that problem,.. 

But truly letting go of pain, truly letting go of something, can only be done in the present by acceptance. It can only be done here and now. Not somewhere in the future. Many people still refer to the past and say ’’Ohh, please don’t talk about that, it triggers a painful memory”. They simply haven’t accepted the past yet. 

You cannot do anything about the past anymore, we all attest to knowing that, but how many people truly know what it means? 

Those who allow their mind to dwell on the past and wonder ’’if I had done this or that, then that wouldn’t have happened. Or they look up towards the future and their mind will tell them ”once you have done that and that you will be happy.” 

For a short while you might be, but that will only be temporary, if you are not happy now then sooner or later you will fall back into that old pattern of unhappiness. You are being drowned in an illusion created by your own mind.

It is very normal in the beginning to dwell on the past and ponder on the future especially when something tragic happens. The loss of someone, a break-up, a serious sickness,… Don’t blame yourself for doing so, but know that it will not make you happy.

Accepting the pain is all you can do. It hurts, it truly does, but thinking about the past or future is only going to draw an unhappy illusion in your mind, where you can get stuck in.

When you feel unhappy, don’t try to analyze it, don’t think about the past or the future, just feel and accept that there is a feeling of pain inside of you.