How to Build More Self-Confidence: Practices from a World Record Holder
In this article, Kristina Paltén, a two-time world record holder provides practical ways on how to build more self-confidence.
What would happen if from today, you cannot say the word “no” anymore? What if you could only say “yes” – to other people as well as to yourself?
You would live a pretty crazy and interesting life wouldn’t you?
When someone asks you to go skydiving, you would say “yes” and go and do it; when you’re thinking of asking that person out on a date, you would say “yes” and go and ask them; when a friend asks you to go partying in the middle of the week, even though you have to get up early for work the next day, you would say “yes” and go partying; when you are thinking of leaving home to go traveling for a long time, you would say “yes” and go and do it…
Now, let’s turn it around.
Imagine living a life where you cannot say “yes” anymore but only “no”.
How would that look?
Pretty boring and dull right?
There isn’t even much to say about it, all you would do is sit on your couch by yourself cutting yourself off from every possibility and opportunity in life.
Sounds pretty logical, yet our mind tends to make us lean towards the word no more than yes. Saying “no” is so much easier than “yes”. No responsibility is required and you know the outcome of your decision.
Yes is scary and risky.
We miss so many opportunities though through this because we are being compelled by that voice in our head. Which, when you come to think of it, is such a shame.
Our lives’ will not last forever, so get as much out of them as you possibly can. By simply saying “yes” more in your life – to other’s and to yourself – you will open yourself up to so many opportunities.
But as easy as this sounds, the mind is a tricky thing, and we are always being brought down by it. That is why, you have to make, what I call A Mind Shift.
What is a mind shift?
A mind shift is like a switch.
By influencing your own thinking you can flick that switch. But before you can influence your own mind, you have to understand how it works.
There are two reasons why we are being compelled by our minds to say “no” more than “yes”. The first reason is, we doubt too much. We question things too much in our minds. The second one – our mind disapproves of change.
Imagine your best friend asking if you want to go skydiving with him/her. You feel the rush stirring up in you and you immediately say yes.
After a few minutes when the rush calms down, you start to ask in your mind if this was a good decision –you start to doubt.
Here is what your mind will tell you; “I don’t think this is a good idea, I mean, you could die, something can go wrong, what if the parachute doesn’t open, did you think about that? Just say no tomorrow.” And probably, if no one can convince your mind otherwise, you will say “no” the next day.
The next day, you’re friend calls you, and their mind is still blown by the adrenaline rush he/she just had and says how amazing the whole experience was.
You of course, only feel regrets. That’s a pity isn’t it? You allowed you’re mind to convince you through doubts to say “no”, even though, deep down you wanted to say “yes”.
This happens so easily, that once we start questioning something in our mind, it will make us uneasy, uncertain, and ultimately leads us to say “no”.
Let’s say that you are on your couch watching TV, when all of a sudden, you hear your phone buzzing.
You just received a text message from a person you don’t know that well, but none the less, you kind of like this person.
This person asks you if you’re in the mood to have a drink tonight.
All of a sudden, everything changes; you knew your plans for the evening, which was watching TV, but suddenly out of nowhere, there is this new plan and your mind doesn’t like it.
Your mind will start to compel you by giving you these uncomfortable feelings of uncertainty.
It will try to discourage you and in a lot of cases, it will win.
So you text this person back and tell him/her that you would love to, but you’re not in the mood today. Isn’t that a shame? This could have been one of the most fun and most memorable evenings in a long time. Of course, it could have also been the opposite, but at least you would have known.
Our mind will always disapprove change using feelings of uncertainty and fear. The easiest way to avoid these unpleasant feelings is by simply not doing the things that create them.
So, we stop ourselves from doing something that we want to, as it’s easier to avoid them, than to face them.
Start taking notice of how your mind compels you in the decisions you make. You will start to notice after a while that it is always either because of doubts or fear of change. So you know the cause now, you’ve gained a bit of insight on it through these examples.
Now here is how you flick that switch: Stop listening to that bad voice in your mind.
Replace it.
Each time you notice your mind compelling you through doubts or fear of change, replace your mind’s voice, influence it through your own voice with positivity, say this to your own mind:
Nothing ever happens in life when you say no. Every yes is an opportunity for a new experience.
Put this phrase very deep into your head and every time you want to say “yes” but your mind starts trying to take control, make that mind shift!
Working on yourself can be scary, overwhelming, confusing, messy, challenging, and lonely. On this podcast, hosted by Jellis Vaes, an aspiring clinical psychologist who once battled severe emotional struggles, you’ll gain valuable insights from experts in psychology, neuroscience, and relationships, as well as people like you and me, to support you on your mental health journey, help you feel less alone, and untangle some of the complexity of mental health.
For more support, visit Inner Path Seekers.
Show notes can be found here:https://theipsproject.com/2026/04/reason-we-stay-addicted-kevin-cornelius/
Addiction is complex, deeply human, and often misunderstood.
In this episode, we take a grounded and practical look at what addiction really is and how it can be treated effectively.
I’m joined by Kevin Cornelius, a licensed marriage and family therapist and clinical director at the Feeling Good Institute Silicon Valley.
Kevin specializes in TEAM-CBT, a powerful and evolving therapeutic approach developed by psychiatrist David Burns.
What I am hoping you get out of this episode, besides learning some of the reasons why people stay addicted, is that you will learn some practical techniques to start taking a small step toward freeing yourself from whichever addiction you might be struggling with.
If, after this episode, you’d like to learn more about the effects addiction has on the brain, do have a listen to the episode I did with Dr. Grisel, titled The Brain on Addiction.
📚The IPS Academy📚
If you feel that you’ve gained some insights and lessons from this video, and you are curious to see what else we offer at The IPS Project, check out The IPS Academy, where we offer online courses taught by guests here on the podcast.
Simply go to https://theipsproject.com/academy. Each course has a few lessons to try for free, so you get a taste of what the course is like. We have countless reviews from other students so you can see what others think, and there is a 30-day money-back guarantee if you end up not liking the course.
Again, check them out at https://theipsproject.com/academy
In this article, Kristina Paltén, a two-time world record holder provides practical ways on how to build more self-confidence.
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