The Secret to Being Happy: Learn How to be Unhappy

Become a premium member today!

Happiness – The ultimate goal of life. The one thing that we are all chasing in our own way, and the one thing that we’ll keep on chasing continuously throughout our lives.

Even though there are literally millions of articles written, and so much information out there on “how to be happy” many of us however, are not quite as happy in life as we feel we should be.

Now, why is that?

Simply because we are looking all the time just at one side of the whole. How many articles have you read, how many conversations have you had, how much information have you seen about how to be unhappy?

Exactly. I would guess very, very few or none at all.

Truth be told, we all know how to be happy, we all know something that can trigger a smile on our face don’t we? What we do not know however, is how to cope with being unhappy.

Today in this article, it is time for a change. It is time we talk about “how to be unhappy”. Let us start by breaking down the misconceptions of unhappiness.

Feeling Unhappy, is Normal

We are constantly taught in both in what we read, and what we see on the TV be it consciously and subconsciously, that being unhappy is not normal.

Every time we read or hear about how we should be feeling happy, and how we need to go about it, and for whatever reason we aren’t at that moment in time, well, you feel that’s something must be wrong with you.

“What’s wrong with me, I should be feeling happy in my life, but I’m not. Every article I have read says all those steps on how to be happy, but they don’t seem to work for me, I am still unhappy.”

You come to see unhappiness as some kind of problem with you, with your personality. Something not normal at all.

But it is.

It is very normal. It is part of every human being, it is a part of you, it is part of who you are. You’ve got to first of all understand and acknowledge that feeling unhappy is nothing but normal and it isn’t something you should be afraid of.

It only means that your emotions are functioning well and are taking care of you by keeping you up to date with the truth.

Don’t resent them. Accept it. Even welcome it.

This is the first important misconception you need to break down - understanding that feeling unhappy is nothing but normal.

Stop Running, Start Listening

What is the first thing everyone tells you when you just got out of a breakup? Go and do things! Don’t be alone, go out, exercise, go do this, go do that.

Do everything apart from being alone. Do everything but feel. Numb the unhappy feeling, distract yourself and try to forget you are unhappy.

Every time we feel unhappy we try to do everything in our power to run away from it, to avoid the unpleasant feelings.

This is a very wrong thing to do. Why?

Because we never learn to explore the other side of who we are if we do that. We fear the feeling of unhappiness because it’s so unknown to us.

We never take time to actually listen to this part of ourselves. However, there is absolutely nothing you will gain by running away from unhappiness. That is only a very temporary solution, and in the end, it contributes nothing at all to yourself—and you learn nothing.

This is the next big misconception. When you feel unhappy, do not run away from it like everyone tells you to do, but learn to listen to the feelings and emotions inside you.

Become the Observer, Not the Judge

Stop being the judge of your own emotions, become the observer instead. Whenever you are experiencing feelings of unhappiness, fear or anything troubling or disturbing, try not to become too involved in the emotions, or the immediacy of the feelings. Distance yourself from them, and do an internal scan of yourself.

Don’t immediately come to judge the feelings you have at that moment, but take a serious look at them, as if from a distance.

Imagine separating from yourself, out of your mind, out of your body. Have a deeper look at what is going on within your body.

This is a very important technique you can learn that will help you cope with unhappiness. By distancing yourself from the emotion, you are less likely to let it take hold of you and drag you down.

This is a huge misconception that we make with ourselves; we immediately judge our feelings without looking at them objectively first. Learn to separate yourself from them, and learn to observe from a distance what is going on within you; don’t immediately start to judge, but take a deeper look at the whole picture. By doing so you will actually learn to see the different connections from where those emotions arise and why they do so.

Now that we have broken down these misconceptions about unhappiness and gained an insight of the truth, let us put these concepts together into practice. Chances are something might be worrying you at this very moment.

First of all, accept the feeling. Accept it and acknowledge that it is normal to feel this way. Secondly, take the step to listen to your body and inner feelings.

Don’t run.

Now remove yourself from the feeling, do not attach yourself to it. Imagine yourself outside of your body, looking down at yourself from a distance. Be an observer of yourself. Do not identify with the experiences you are feeling.

Ask yourself, what exactly is disturbing you. Then ask why it is disturbing you, and dig deeper and deeper down within yourself. Break down the layers, search within yourself to the core where the feeling first arose from.

Be aware that to find the truth within yourself you need to be honest with yourself. We have the tendency to not be 100% straight with ourselves. This is the most important thing about all of this. Be honest with yourself.

Unhappiness is an opportunity to learn about and become closer to yourself. Don’t miss this chance, stop avoiding it. Unhappiness is happiness, happiness is unhappiness. They are twins. The path we are all truly looking for in life is not the one of happiness, it’s the path of inner peace. And to walk down this path you need to be able to appreciate both sides of the whole. Yes unhappiness might be more painful, however, when you are able to learn, develop and grow from that unhappiness you will experience genuine happiness in its greatest form.

Question about this article: What are your thoughts after reading this article on how to be happy? Has it shifted some of your perspectives about unhappiness?

Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below.

Jellis Vaes

Founder/CEO at The IPS Project

Therapist, adventurer, and founder/CEO of The IPS Project, the educational platform on life.

The Secret to Being Happy: Learn How to be Unhappy